Professional Redditors
Reddit, oh Reddit. The self-proclaimed hub of knowledge and expertise. It's a place where every profession, every field, and every interest collide. Medical experts, historians, lawyers, psychologists, filmmakers - they all reside here, waiting to share their wisdom with us mere peasants. But let's not be fooled by its self-congratulatory nature. Reddit is like the bile in our stomachs, where the idiots from Twitter go to break down and become feces.
If you're looking to feel stupid about something, Reddit is the perfect destination. It's a platform where you can find people pointing and laughing at your ignorance. Or if you need something over-analyzed to the point of absurdity, Reddit is your go-to place. You could post a random picture with a nonsensical caption, and Redditors would turn it into a grand mystery that they must solve. It's like they thrive on making everything more complicated than it needs to be.
But let's not forget the joy of asking a simple question on Reddit. Say you're thinking of getting a new computer and want some recommendations. Well, be prepared for a barrage of questions in return. Redditors need to know every detail of your life before they can give you their opinion. What websites do you frequent? What's your work schedule? Your social security number? Your mother's maiden name? And can you pat your head while rubbing your belly? Only then will they grace you with their enlightened advice.
These Redditors, they have this sense of self-importance, as if using Reddit makes them superior to those who dare to use other platforms like Twitter or Instagram. They proudly give their upvotes and worthless gold stickers to stolen memes from those very platforms they claim to despise. It's like Reddit karma has become a leech, sucking onto people's brains and turning them into snobby, arrogant beings.
Ironically, Reddit has a community that loves to make fun of gatekeepers. Yet, it seems that some Redditors have become the very gatekeepers they mock. They ridicule and belittle anyone who dares to ask a question without having a PhD in the subject. For a platform that prides itself on inclusivity, it's quite ironic. These people, I like to call them professional Redditors, are the epitome of self-fellating smooth brains.
Take, for example, a thread on the Tokyo subreddit. The OP innocently asks for recommendations on where to move in Tokyo, expressing their freedom to live an hour away from downtown. But little did they know, Tokyo Master Magu was lurking in the comments, ready to unleash their condescending wrath. How dare the OP ask such a basic question? Don't they know that Tokyo is a highly complex set of many cities that function within themselves? Instead of offering a suggestion, Tokyo Master Magu decides to mock the OP and collect their upvotes before crying themselves to sleep.
These self-fellating smooth brains can be found all over Reddit, especially in any "Ask [insert topic]" subreddit. They think they're so smart, so superior, that it's almost comical. How many lawyers do you know that spend their time on Reddit giving free advice to strangers? Probably not many. And those historians claiming to be experts? I'm 95% sure they just read the Wikipedia page and declared themselves masters of the subject.
One prime example of a professional Redditor is someone I found on the legal advice subreddit. This person actively mocks people seeking legal advice, all while being verified as a quality contributor. It's like a doctor gossiping to their patients about the size of a wart on someone's ass. Yes, it's hilarious, but shouldn't they be focusing on providing actual legal advice?
But fear not, dear reader. Not all hope is lost. If you venture into subreddits like Ask Science, you'll find a different breed of Redditors. They're the ones who genuinely want to share their knowledge and help others. They don't mock or belittle; they offer advice without insulting the person asking. They restore our faith in humanity, even if it's just within the confines of the internet.
So, my fellow kings and queens, don't let the professional Redditors get you down. Remember, there's no such thing as a stupid question. Lift your head high, even if your snapback has fallen. And if you ever find yourself in the Reddit Gold Lounge, take a moment to appreciate the simple joys of life, like a new kitty snuggling with you all day.
In the end, Reddit is like Oz from "Fanboy and Chum Chum." It may think it knows everything,