Trump Could Get Indicted Very Soon, Biden Wants More Authority To Punish Bank Execs | Tonight Show

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, welcome, welcome to a dazzling celebration of St. Patrick's Day right here on "The Tonight Show"! We've got a lot in store for you, so sit back, relax, and let's dive into the spirit of this extraordinary day.

St. Patrick's Day, a holiday so massive that even the banks take a day off, not that their closure had anything to do with it. It's a day that brings people together, paints the town green, and, sometimes, sparks unusual conversations.

A President on a Mission

Now, after some recent bank turmoil, President Biden has taken a bold step. He's asked Congress for more authority to hold bank executives accountable. It's almost like he's taken on the role of a renegade movie detective who's stashed his badge away for the night. Biden means business, and rumor has it he's considering chaining all those pens to the CEOs' desks. A fitting punishment, don't you think?

Trump's Swiss Escape

In other news, whispers of former President Trump's potential indictment have been gaining momentum. This could explain why he's currently packing his bags for an impromptu spring break in Switzerland. It seems even Trump himself has an inkling of what's coming, sporting a green shirt that boldly declares, "Kiss me, I'm indicted." At this point, it feels like we're watching a thrilling legal drama, and everyone's placing their bets on which lawsuit will finally catch up with him.

The Great TikTok Debate

Now, let's talk about TikTok. A recent poll revealed that 49% of Americans would support banning this addictive app. It's a nearly even split, and even TikTok users themselves can't agree on its fate. Some create jaw-dropping stunts that keep us entertained, while others see it as a menace. TikTok has become a battleground of creativity and controversy, with users torn between the love and hate buttons.

March Madness and IKEA Mirrors

March Madness is in full swing, and if you've been following, you'll know that Princeton managed a jaw-dropping upset by knocking off number 2 Arizona. But before the game even started, Princeton was already strutting around with the confidence of a rooster. Meanwhile, IKEA had an issue with mirrors that might just give you a close shave. Customers probably should've seen it coming since the mirror's name was practically a warning: "Fall and cut you." Not the most comforting item to have hanging on your wall, I must say.

Charging Up at 7-Eleven

In a surprising turn of events, 7-Eleven is launching a massive electric vehicle charging network. If you've ever found yourself thinking, "I want to spend more than ten minutes at 7-Eleven," this might just be your chance. Picture it: filling up your Tesla right next to the hot dog roller, and an hour later, your car's got heartburn. Now that's what we call a futuristic 7-Eleven experience.

Horseback Riding for Back Pain

And here's a curious nugget of wisdom: horseback riding could potentially ease your back pain. Unless, of course, you're the horse in question. It's a unique solution to a common problem that makes you wonder how our four-legged friends feel about being our makeshift chiropractors.

The Essence of St. Patrick's Day

Now, as we wind down this evening, let's remember what truly makes St. Patrick's Day special. It's not just about green beer and stereotypes; it's a day to appreciate the beauty of Ireland, the land of stunning cliffs, the magical Blarney Stone, and the absence of snakes.

So, let's raise a glass to St. Patrick's Day. It's a day to explore the rolling hills of Ireland, argue with friends like true Irishmen (and eventually come to a mutual understanding), and, of course, toast to a good old Irish celebration.

In the end, as the Irish saying goes, "Screw it, let's get drunk." But let's not forget the depth and beauty that make St. Patrick's Day more than just another excuse to indulge in spirits. Sláinte! 🍀🥂