I Compleanni Malvagi

Ciao, amici! Welcome to the theater of the absurd, where the headlines dance with the grace of a comedic ballet. I find myself in Kuwait, far away from the Italian reality, and I can't help but chuckle at the ongoing spectacle back home. So, I implore you, my progressive, left-leaning compatriots, could you please enlighten me about what's happening on your side of the world?

The Mysterious Vanishing of Left-Leaning Italy

It appears that for the past 18 days (or more), half of Italy's population, the self-proclaimed progressive souls who indulge in Repubblica, Corriere della Sera, and religiously watch La7, Rai 3, and even Rete 4 (yes, the left-leaning channel), has gone strangely quiet. I have to wonder, what exactly are you all up to these days?

Have you forsaken the art of aperitivo? Have you abandoned those lovely evenings out on the town? Did you forget how to dine at your favorite restaurants? I hear that even those with birthdays or christenings dared not celebrate! It's like a sudden case of collective hibernation, and it leaves me perplexed.

The Curious Case of Salvini's Singing Soiree

You see, I woke up today, picked up my smartphone, and to my amusement, found Italian newspapers still raving about Matteo Salvini. Apparently, the man made a grave error, or so says a TV commentator on La7. What was this catastrophic blunder, you ask? Well, he celebrated his 50th birthday.

Now, I'm all for constructive criticism, but when you're perched atop a metaphorical mountain, dressed in nothing but a loincloth (metaphorically, of course), and have been flagellating yourself for two weeks because people from Africa decided to embark on a treacherous journey to Italy, I must ask, are you not being a tad hypocritical?

A World on Pause

It's not just the left-leaning populace that has gone silent; it's as if life itself has ground to a halt in Italy. The big left-wing industrialists closed shop, halted production, and life as you know it seems to have paused. But why, I wonder? If life in Italy has come to a standstill, perhaps the newspapers have a point – maybe Salvini should follow suit. It's a peculiar world where I, for once, find myself defending Salvini.

What exactly ails you, my friends? What peculiar malady afflicts you? As I speak, countless souls are perishing in Africa, each second passing with more casualties than there were on that ill-fated boat bound for Cutro. What have you done for those poor souls?

The Responsibility Game

Are you, in fact, responsible? I am absolved of this responsibility, as I currently find myself in Kuwait, a land far removed from the heart of these issues. However, I'm left to ponder who bears the weight of this responsibility. Is it solely the burden of the Western world? Is it the white, the male, or something else entirely?

Perhaps I, too, should repent. As I contemplate my day ahead, I can't help but think of the various ways I could seek penance. Shall I embark on a journey of self-flagellation? Kneel on Lego bricks and scold myself for my shortcomings? It's a whimsical notion, isn't it?

The Call for Sanity

My dear friends, I'm here to offer a solution. It's quite apparent that some of you are in dire need of professional help, and I'm more than willing to provide it. You see, I'm in Kuwait, where taxes are virtually non-existent, and expenses are minimal. So, I'm available for online consultations. Let's have a Zoom call, and I'll help you find more engaging pastimes than obsessing over Salvini's karaoke soirée.

In conclusion, I hope this video brings you some amusement and serves as a reality check. I await your inquiries, and I'm here to help. After all, I'm a benevolent, inclusive soul who assists everyone. So, if you find yourself fuming over Salvini's 50th birthday celebrations, it's time to reassess your priorities and focus on issues that truly matter.

Until we meet again, stay informed, my friends. Ciao!