Honest Government Ad | The Reserve Bank Of Australia

Oh, greetings from the wizards of Oz, or as some may call us, the Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA). You know, the folks who promise not to play with interest rates and then decide to do the exact opposite, just for the thrill of it. Most people are blissfully ignorant about our shenanigans, and that's probably for the best. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Imagine if everyone knew what we were up to—this place would be hotter than a kangaroo's boxing match!

But, dear reader, did you know that our solemn duty is to ensure the economic prosperity and welfare of the Australian people? Oh, we've done wonders, just not for you broke souls living in debt or camping out in the homeless app. Your economic prosperity has taken a backseat, but worry not; we've got a tale to tell.

House Prices and the Money Jiggle

Let's reminisce about the good ol' days when we pumped up house prices with years of low-interest rates. Ah, those were the times! Homeownership became a distant dream for you poor souls—thanks to us. Sure, those who did manage to buy a house did so with some of the highest debt levels in the world, but hey, it made property owners go all, "My money don't jiggle jiggle, it falls, it makes me want to wiggle wiggle."

Of course, we didn't pull off this feat alone. Shoutout to our partners in crime, APRA, the ones who failed to rein in dodgy lending despite explicit warnings from the banking royal commission. Oh, and let's not forget the [__] party, who happily pumped the housing bubble even more. Cheers to you all! And to those who voted against us—well, aren't you ungrateful?

Inflation Jumps, Interest Rates Follow

Now, let's fast forward to the present. After leading you down the garden path of debt with low-interest rate promises, we suddenly had to jack them up. Why, you ask? To bring down inflation, of course! Never mind that the inflation wasn't caused by your wages going up (as we assured you). It was mainly due to the pandemic, soaring company profits, and, oh, your wages actually going down. But who cares about details?

So, here's the punchline: We make you work to lower the inflation you didn't cause by raising interest rates. And what's the cherry on top? RBA announcements with the headline, "We just raised interest rates again—[__] you, Australia!"

The Grand Circus of Government and Corporations

But wait, there's more! Enter the Australian government, ready to release the budget. They could bring down inflation by reducing the cost of essentials, like medicines, hex, and childcare. And how would they fund it? By ditching those massive tax cuts for the rich. Sounds sensible, right? But no, let's not go down that route. Instead, let's build a stadium nobody [] needs and lure you all into debt with another [] scheme. Who needs sensible solutions when you can have a peace week review of the RBA, right?

And a special shoutout to corporations like Qantas, raking in record profits and yet jacking up prices. Thanks for that. And to protect the poorest from the pain of inflation? Nah, let's not increase job Seeker for all or tax gas companies to fund it. Instead, let's keep that inequality rising.

The Spirit of Australia: Money Jiggles and Inequality Wiggles

In conclusion, dear reader, welcome to the spirit of Australia. Where money don't just talk; it jiggles and falls, making us want to wiggle wiggle. All this wisdom is brought to you by the subcommittee for the deputy assistant to the advisory board of the acting minister for the department for doing [__] all about anything, really.

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Until next time, thank you!