Top-Secret Pentagon Docs Leak | Clarence Thomas Didn’T Report Gifts | Tennessee Gop Denies Racism

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "The Late Show"! I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, and boy, do we have a whirlwind of headlines to dive into today. Whether you're hunting for the Afikomen, Easter eggs, or top-secret Ukrainian war plans, there's something for everyone. So, let's jump right in and explore the wild world of current events.

Easter Egg Rolls and Presidential Eggs-travaganzas

This morning, the White House hosted its annual Easter Egg Roll, a tradition dating back over a century. It's a delightful event where children embark on a quest to uncover hidden treats, perhaps even in Chester A. Arthur's muttonchops (not really, but hey, it's Easter!). President Biden, joined by the beloved Al Roker, not only kicked off the festivities but also dropped some hints about 2024. When asked about his plans, he playfully responded, "I plan on at least three or four more Easter Egg Rolls. Maybe five. Maybe six. What the hell? I don't know."

Yes, you heard it right, folks! Joe Biden might be rolling eggs and possibly even rolling into the upcoming 2024 election. It's a statement that's as unexpected as it is eggs-traordinary. Who knew that the President could lay eggs? If he does, we can expect a beautiful flock of little baby Joes hatching. Peep, peep, peep!

Now, we just need to find out where Jill is in all of this. Marco! Jill-o!

But of course, it's not all fun and games at the White House, as we're about to uncover in the next section.

Top-Secret Leaks and Social Media Shenanigans

In a shocking turn of events, top-secret Pentagon documents related to the Ukraine war were mysteriously leaked on social media platforms. This is not the first time that classified battle intel has made an unannounced appearance online. Remember the 2003 MySpace post? "ERMAHGERD SADDERM HURSEHRN DEHRSN'T REHRLY HERVE W-M-DEHRS."

Surprisingly, these classified documents first appeared on the video game chat platform Discord, sitting there for a month without anyone noticing. It's almost like the nuclear launch codes are "UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B, A, START." Who knew it was so easy?

Now, the feds are on a frantic mission to uncover the leaker's identity. Here's a clue: the leaked pages are not electronic files but photos of crumpled documents, as if they were hastily stashed into pockets. In the movies, stealing national secrets looks way more complicated, but apparently, in reality, you can just stuff them in your pants. Mission Impossi—"Wait, I just shoved it in my pants."

Supreme Court, Luxury Trips, and... Hitler Artifacts?

The judiciary branch has its share of issues, as we've recently discovered about Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. It turns out that over many decades, Justice Thomas has secretly accepted luxury trips from a major G.O.P. donor, Texas real estate billionaire Harlan Crow. These trips included voyages on Crow's superyacht, flying on Crow's G-5 jet, and visiting Crow's various estates.

While Justice Thomas claims it's all just personal hospitality from a close personal friend, it's a bit fishy given the circumstances. Not to mention that Crow has a collection of Adolf Hitler artifacts and Nazi memorabilia, including two paintings by Hitler. If your friend collects Nazi memorabilia, it might be time to reevaluate that friendship.

The bottom line is, our judicial branch is having a rough time, but it's not the only one. The legislative branch has its fair share of troubles, too, as we'll explore in the next section.

Legislative Lapses and Protest Expulsions

The legislative branch, particularly state legislatures like Tennessee, is dealing with its own set of problems. After a week of student-led protests advocating for gun control, the Republican-controlled Tennessee House voted to expel two of the three Democrats who participated in the protest.

It's not a coincidence that the two expelled lawmakers were African American, but the G.O.P. insists this is not about race. They claim the two expelled members broke the chamber's rules by leading gun reform chants with a megaphone, while the third Democrat, who wasn't expelled, didn't speak into the megaphone.

It's a questionable decision, and one of the expelled lawmakers, Representative Justin Jones, rightly pointed out the hypocrisy in the chamber. He highlighted that they expelled him, yet they had a colleague who was an admitted child molester and another member who urinated in another member's chair.

So, as you can see, our branches of government are each dealing with their own unique challenges and controversies. It's a rollercoaster of news and comedy that keeps us entertained and, at times, perplexed. Until next time, stay tuned for more unexpected twists and turns in the world of politics and current events!