Breaking News: Trump Unveils Attack Plan On Dei, 'Marxist Maniacs And Lunatics' In Higher Education

In the grand tapestry of American history, there's a thread that's been woven with a tireless dedication to the pursuit of knowledge. This thread is the story of our educational institutions, the beacons of wisdom that have guided generations of students, shaping their minds and preparing them for the world. However, over the years, this thread has been unraveling, its vibrant colors fading into a dull monotone. The once-proud institutions, once the epitome of learning and enlightenment, have been overrun by a radical left that has turned them into vessels of indoctrination, rather than sanctuaries of knowledge.

The Exploding Cost of Education

For decades, the cost of tuition at colleges and universities has been on a relentless upward trajectory. It's not just a gradual rise, but an explosive one, akin to a rocket blasting off into the stratosphere. This surge in costs has been accompanied by a corresponding increase in the number of students, a trend that has led to a situation where the average cost of a college education is now higher than ever before.

The Accreditation System: A Secret Weapon

The accreditation system, a mechanism designed to ensure that educational institutions are not exploiting students and taxpayers, has failed in its duty. It has allowed our colleges to become a playground for radical leftists, who have turned them into breeding grounds for Marxist ideologies. The accreditors, the supposed guardians of this system, have been asleep at the wheel, allowing these institutions to become dominated by lunatics and maniacs.

The Time for Change

When I return to the White House, I will not stand idly by while our institutions of learning are being hijacked by the radical left. I will take action, and my secret weapon will be the college accreditation system. I will fire the accreditors who have allowed our colleges to become a hotbed of Marxist madness. I will then accept applications for new accreditors who will impose real standards on our colleges.

The New Standards

These standards will be a breath of fresh air, a return to the traditional values that have made our educational institutions great. They will include defending the American tradition and Western Civilization, protecting Free Speech, eliminating wasteful administrative positions that drive up costs, and removing all Marxist diversity equity and inclusion bureaucrats. They will also offer options for Accelerated and low-cost degrees, provide meaningful job placement and career services, and implement college entrance and exit exams to prove that students are actually learning and getting their money's worth.

A Call to Justice

Furthermore, I will direct the Department of Justice to pursue federal civil rights cases against schools that continue to engage in racial discrimination and schools that persist in explicit unlawful discrimination under the guise of equity. These schools will not only have their endowments taxed but through budget reconciliation, I will advance a measure to have them find up to the entire amount of their endowment. A portion of the seized funds will then be used as restitution for victims of these illegal and unjust policies.

The Promise of a New Era

In the end, colleges have gotten hundreds of billions of dollars from hard-working taxpayers. Now, we are going to get this anti-American insanity out of our institutions once and for all. We are going to have real education in America. We are going to reclaim our once great educational institutions from the radical left and make them the beacons of wisdom they were meant to be. We are going to make them the pride of our nation again. Thank you.