Best Of The Worst: Christmas 2020

[music] Oh deity, brace yourselves, for the festive fervor is upon us—Christmas! A time when we dive headfirst into the abyss of the Christmas-themed film extravaganza. It's the Christmas best of the worst episode, and boy, are we in for a ride. Amidst the chaos of this rollercoaster year, this is the beacon of joy we've been waiting for. Merry Christmas, Mike!

Nostalgia Unwrapped: A Tale of Friendship

Why, if it isn't my dearest companion in cinematic chaos, Rich Evans! Together, we've weathered the storms of countless shows, creating memories that could fill a treasure trove. On this special holiday episode, I want to take a moment to express just how much you mean to me.

"Oh, Rich, you're too kind! Does this mean I get the honor of cracking open the first feature-length Christmas-themed movie? Lay it on me, buddy!"

Hold onto your festive hats, folks, because this is about to be the Christmas to end all Christmases! Damn straight!

Wait, what? Nothing, nothing at all. Go ahead, open the tape. But, can we talk about how your "damn straight it is" sounded a tad sinister? No? Alright, let the Christmas spirit flow!

The Unveiling: Elves, Creepiness, and VHS Mysteries

Well, well, what have we here? Just a regular VHS tape, no labels, no fancy packaging—just the mystery of a black spine. Elves? Seriously? Creepy, boring, and downright weird. Is this some kind of twisted holiday joke? And what's with the Nazi accusations? Are we in a cinematic labyrinth or what?

[music] One, two, three. Santa wielding a chainsaw—now that's a risk worth taking! Four hours later, and not much has happened. Are we done? Apparently not, other people want to join in, they want to bask in the glorious mediocrity.

The Tape Parade: From Barry Sanders to... What?

So, we dove into a sea of questionable tapes, and what do we find? A tape that's apparently not worth it. What is "it," you ask? Well, it's sexual intercourse, a clown named Pennywise, and a bizarre rap video. Talk about a cinematic rollercoaster that leaves you questioning your life choices.

"Hi, I'm Barry Sanders of the Detroit Lions. I want to give you a serious 'mountain playing in basketball.' Wait, what? Football player turned basketball aficionado? My brain is officially on vacation."

And let's not forget the rapper-clown advocating abstinence. The odds are 50-50 for everything, apparently. You do "it," and you have a 50-50 chance of getting sick—real sick. Is this a health class or a comedy show? Beats me.

The Quirky World of Second-Chance Soft Body Armor

In a bizarre twist, we stumbled upon a video about second chance soft body armor. It's not exactly laugh-out-loud material, but it's intriguing. We delve into the intricacies of ballistics, guns, and different types of ammunition. The creator, a Roger Ebert doppelganger, walks us through tests involving cars and tires. Serious content with a dash of comedy—it's like watching a sitcom on ballistics.

But wait, there's more! A sudden shift to pumpkin carving, because why not? The video landscape is as unpredictable as a game of Russian roulette.

From Computers to Criminals: A Cinematic Odyssey

Now, let's navigate through the labyrinth of randomness once more. From computer training videos to contemplating the logistics of watching a pool workout tape while swimming. Because, you know, setting up a TV poolside is the epitome of practicality.

And just when you think the conversation couldn't take a wilder turn, we find ourselves discussing infamous criminals, barrels, and a slight mix-up of names. It's a cinematic odyssey that leaves you questioning how you ended up discussing true crime during a Christmas film marathon.

In this whirlwind of cinematic chaos, one thing is certain: predictability is a distant memory, burstiness is the order of the day, and perplexity reigns supreme. Merry Christmas, indeed!

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