First Time Reacting To | Bert Kreischer The Part Of The "Machine Story" You've Never Heard

Welcome back to the party, folks! It's your girl Brit Reacts, and today we are diving into the untold part of the incredible story of "The Machine." Now, if you've been living under a rock and haven't heard of this viral sensation, let me catch you up. It's got over 70 million views and has even been picked up as a movie! Can you believe it? But here's the kicker, the story we're about to unravel is the wildest part of it all.

A Bit of Background

So, let me introduce you to the man behind the madness, Bert Kreischer. He embarked on a journey to Russia back in 1995 as part of a school trip. Little did he know that this adventure would forever change his life and earn him the nickname "The Machine." If you haven't seen his hilarious bit about it, I highly recommend you give it a watch. But hey, stick around for my reaction too because it was one heck of a ride!

From Viral Sensation to Silver Screen

Now, here's where things get even crazier. They're turning Bert's unbelievable story into a movie! I mean, can you imagine? I need to find out how recent this news is because if the movie is already out there, I'm queuing it up right away. But hey, even if it's still in the works, I can already tell you it's going to be epic.

The Power of Virality

Let's talk about how this story went viral. When Bert first posted it, one of his classmates saw it on Facebook and dropped a bombshell in the comments. She claimed that the story was a hundred percent true and that Bert had actually robbed their entire class during that fateful trip to Russia. And to make matters even more interesting, she tagged everyone in the class. Boom! Instant virality. You can't buy marketing like that, my friends.

The Strip Club Mishap

Now, let's fast forward a bit. Picture this: it's 1995, and Bert finds himself in a strip club in Russia. But hold on tight because this is where things take a hilarious turn. The Russian mafia is involved, and they ask Bert a peculiar question: "Do you want full touch or no touch?" I mean, who in their right mind would choose no touch? Bert, being the adventurous soul that he is, goes all in for the full touch experience. And what happens next is beyond belief.

He encounters not one but two lap dancers who smell absolutely horrific. I mean, we're talking about a smell that could knock you off your feet. But does Bert back down? No way! He soldiers through the first lap dance, determined to get a fresh start with the next dancer. Little does he know that the second dancer smells just as bad as the first. How he manages to tell this story with a straight face is beyond me, but hey, that's what makes it so darn entertaining.

The Curious Case of the Indian Restaurant

Fast forward to twenty years later, Bert finds himself on a second date with his future wife. They walk into an Indian restaurant, and what does Bert say? Brace yourselves for this one. He exclaims, "This smells like Russian horse!" I mean, who says that on a date? But hey, it's Bert we're talking about, and his unique sense of humor is what makes him so lovable.

The Stolen Pocket Knife

But the story doesn't end there. Oh no, there's more. During the train robbery orchestrated by the Russian mafia, Bert's personal belongings, including a sentimental pocket knife given to him by his dad, were stolen. Now, you would think that Bert would be furious about this, right? Well, in true Bert fashion, he takes it all in stride and even jokes about how the mob stole from him. Talk about finding humor in the most unexpected situations.

The Questions That Linger

As we near the end of this mind-boggling tale, I find myself with countless questions. What happened when Bert returned to school? Did the school authorities find out about the robbery? Did anyone press charges? I mean, it's not every day that you get robbed by the Russian mafia during a school trip. But hey, maybe in Russia, they handle things differently. Or perhaps, some stories are meant to stay in the realm of adventure and never make it back to the shores of normalcy.

Lights, Camera, Action!

Now, the burning question remains: Is the movie already out? Or is it still in production? I wish I had all the answers, but alas, I recorded this reaction without knowing the latest updates. But let me tell you this, if the movie is anything like Bert's retelling of the story, it's going to be an absolute riot. I can't wait to see this wild adventure unfold on the big screen.

Embrace the Day You Deserve

Before we part ways, my lovely party people, I want to leave you with a little something. Go out there and have the day that you truly deserve. Embrace the craziness, seek out the unexpected, and find humor in the most unlikely places. Life is too short to take it too seriously. So, let's live it up, just like Bert Kreischer, "The Machine."

Peace out, y'all!